no_vampires_plz: (SRS MAGIC)
The milokedromorphic spell is considered to be a keystone for any unicorn who aspires to master the art of transfiguration. If one can transform an apple into an orange completely and consistently, then one is ready to move up to more complex transformations of living creatures.

This spell is the entirety of Twilight's coursework for the week, and as far as she's concerned it's more than enough. She's been studying the theory behind it for three days, and trying to put it into practice all morning, without success. She almost had it half an hour ago, but Pinkie's surprise hug threw her aim off and she ended up transfiguring a blue jay in a nearby tree instead. (The jay should turn back to normal tomorrow morning. Probably.)

She feels good about this time, though. Twilight takes a deep breath and takes careful aim at the apple on the table in front of her.

"One...two..."
no_vampires_plz: (chillin' with my fillies)
The last train station on the northern line barely even counts as a station. It's just a platform with a path leading to a tiny Royal Guard outpost in the frozen wastes.

At least, it was until two days ago. Now it has a rather more significant purpose. Which is why Twilight and her friends are here, after all.

The doors open and, as one, they all cringe against the sudden rush of cold winter air. Well, almost as one. "Hah! And you all made fun of me for packing so many scarves," says Rarity smugly as she trails behind the rest of the group.

"I didn't say a word," grunts Spike, staggering under the weight of Rarity's luggage.
no_vampires_plz: (pensive)
"Ah! Twilight! That was fast!" Spike hops up off the stairs to greet Twilight as she exits the castle. "Lemmie guess: you got a perfect score!"

Twilight says nothing, just trudges past him with a glum look on her face.

"...A-minus?" offers Spike. "B-plus?"

No response.


"Uh... prepared for what, exactly?"
no_vampires_plz: animated closeup of Twilight's face, looking extremely stressed and with one eyelid twitching (eyetwitch)
"Where are all my quills?!"

Twilight gallops frantically from one shelf to another, grabbing up whatever supplies she can reach. Spike is on saddlebag-holding duty, and he jumps to grab the quills that Twilight telekinetically flings in his general direction.

The rest of Twilight's friends, meanwhile, are watching from the doorway, nonplussed. Sure, getting a surprise summons from Celestia is a big deal, but isn't Twilight going just a little overboard?

"No, no, no, no--ugh! I need the Magical Compendium volumes 1 through 36! Where is it?!" Twilight yanks books off a high shelf until she finds what she's looking for buried behind them--a massive tome that Spike can barely lift.

Check that. A tome that Spike can't lift.

"Flashcards! I should make some flashcards." Twilight opens a drawer full of blank index cards and empties its contents into her assistant's arms. "Spike, I'm going to need you to quiz me. On everything. Everything I've ever learned. Ever." A beat. "That isn't going to be enough cards."

"Twilight," says Spike when he can get a word in edgewise, "calm down. It's just a test."

"Just a test? JUST A TEST?!" Twilight shrieks in Spike's ear. "Princess Celestia wants to give me some kind of exam and you're trying to tell me to calm down because it's 'JUST A TEST'??!!"

Spike cringes. "Uh...yes?"

"I'd say she's handlin' things pretty well, considerin'," remarks Apple Jack just before Twilight lets out a burst of energy that rattles the library to its very roots.

Handling it well, indeed.
no_vampires_plz: (checklist)
So. It turns out Shining Armor had a good excuse not to break the news about his wedding in person. And his bride-to-be is someone Twilight actually knows.

...no, not knows. Knew. She's not convinced she knows Cadance anymore.

How could she not remember me, after all the time we spent together as fillies? And what was with that look she gave me? It doesn't make sense...

It's nagging at the back of her mind even as she and Apple Jack go down the checklist for the catering.

"Cake, check. Ice sculpture, check. Best darn bite-sized apple fritter you ever tasted..." Apple Jack shoves one of the fritters into Twilight's mouth without any prompting.

"Mmm, check!" Twilight brightens a little. Nothing like one of Apple Jack's treats to cheer a pony up.
no_vampires_plz: (pouty)
The trip to Canterlot isn't a hardship, at least; Princess Celestia was thoughtful enough to reserve a private train car for the seven of them. The six ponies and one dragon are free to talk back and forth without disturbing anypony else.

"A sonic rainboom? At a wedding?" Rainbow Dash beams. "Can you say 'best wedding ever'?"

"Best wedding ever!" whoops Pinkie Pie.

Spike looks smug. "So you all get to help with the big fancy wedding, but I'm the one who gets to host the bachelor party!" A beat. "I have just one question. What's a bachelor party?"

One pony, however, isn't participating in the discussion. Twilight Sparkle is sitting at the far end of the car, looking mournfully at the landscape as it passes by.

Eventually, Apple Jack breaks off from the rest of the group to go see her. "Why the long face, sugarcube?"

"I'm just thinking about Shining Armor," Twilight replies, not looking away from the window. "Ever since I moved to Ponyville, we've been seeing each other less and less. And now that he's starting a new family with this Princess Mi Amore Cal-whatshername, we'll probably never see each other."

"Come on, now. You're his sister," reassures Apple Jack. "He'll always make time for you."

Twilight sulks harder. "Couldn't seem to make time to tell me he was getting married."



"We're here, we're here!" Pinkie Pie bounces up and down in her seat as the train approaches the outskirts of Canterlot. Twilight doesn't even acknowledge her.

What she does acknowledge, however, is the ripple of magical energy that passes over the whole train and everyone in it. Looking out the window, she realizes it's a protection spell, one that covers the entire city. What in the world would they need a force field like that for? And why did it feel so familiar as it passed over?

The train pulls up to the platform, which is flanked by a dozen armored stallions. "Whoa, what's with all the guards?" remarks Rainbow Dash as she pokes her head out the door.

"I'm sure they're just taking the necessary precautions," says Rarity with a dismissive wave of her hoof. "Royal weddings do bring out the strangest ponies." (As if to drive the point home, Pinkie sneezes confetti onto the platform.) "Now let's get going, we've got work to do!"

"And you've got a big brother to go congratulate," says Apple Jack with a knowing nod toward Twilight.

"Yeah, 'congratulate,'" Twilight mutters sourly. "And then give him a piece of my mind."
no_vampires_plz: (chillin' with my fillies)
Autumn may have already begun in Equestria, but the warmth of summer still lingers. It's no longer blisteringly hot, but still warm enough to have an afternoon picnic with one's friends in the meadow on the outskirts of town. Cake, tea, sandwiches, and your five best friends in the world--what could be better?

...well, not being interrupted by your baby dragon assistant running up and collapsing on the picnic cloth might be a plus.

"Twi--light," Spike pants. "I--have--lemme just--" After a few more deep breaths, he belches out a burst of green flame, which coalesces into the shape of a scroll.

Twilight picks it up and begins to read. "'Dear Twilight, I am sure you are as excited as I am about the upcoming wedding in Canterlot.' ...Wedding?" Twilight exchanges a bewildered look with her friends, then continues. "'I will be presiding over the ceremony, but would very much like you and your friends to help with the preparations for this wonderful occasion. Fluttershy, I would like you and your songbird choir to provide the music...'"
no_vampires_plz: (Solid Sparkle)
The evening express train from Ponyville to Canterlot arrives precisely on schedule. Tonight, there are only three passengers getting off at the platform: two ponies and one dragon hatchling, all dressed in form-fitting black jumpsuits. They move away from the station and into the almost-deserted streets of Canterlot quickly and stealthily, for they are Ponies (and a Dragon) On A Mission.

...well, one of them is. The dragonlet is more interested in his ice cream cone than anything else.
no_vampires_plz: (rolleyes)
Twilight was expecting... well, she wasn't sure what she was expecting when Spike promised to lead her to 'somepony who can help.' She's pretty sure it wasn't a purple-and-gold tent in the market square with a sign out front covered in good luck charms, though. "What's this?"

"It's Madam Pinkie's place," says Spike, as though it should be obvious.

"...'Madam Pinkie'?" Twilight gives her dragon assistant a very dubious look, but he just strolls into the curtained entrance of the tent without giving her a second glance. Twilight hesitates a moment longer, then follows.

She may not be able to see the future, but somehow she already suspects that she's going to regret this.
no_vampires_plz: animated closeup of Twilight's face, looking extremely stressed and with one eyelid twitching (eyetwitch)
Just over twenty-four hours since Future Twilight's visit, current Twilight trots back into the Books and Branches Library, tired and weatherbeaten but triumphant. Spike is there to greet her at the door. "Hey, Twilight. How'd it go with Cerberus?"

"Great!" says Twilight proudly. "I got him back and dealt with all the evil creatures that escaped."

Spike looks like he's about to reply, but instead he doubles over, looking nauseous. Twilight leans forward, concerned, only to take a scroll to the face as Spike belches up a letter. She feels a stinging pain in her cheek as the parchment hits.

On a particular spot on her cheek, at that.

"Oh no..." She dashes off to the nearest mirror, hoping and praying that her hunch is wrong.

"What's the big deal?" asks Spike as he peers at the newly arrived letter. "It's just a 'Lost Dog' flyer. I guess the Princess hasn't heard we found Cerberus yet."

"It's not that... it's this!" She turns back to Spike and points out the fresh cut on her cheek.

"A paper cut?" Spike is unimpressed. "Come on, Twilight, you really need to toughen up. Just clean it out and you'll be fine."

"The cut's in the exact same spot as the scar on Future Twilight's cheek," explains Twilight with growing alarm. "We haven't changed the future at all! The disaster is still coming!"



The next half-hour is spent frantically pacing in a circle, trying to think. "If the disaster wasn't caused by Cerberus getting loose," says Twilight for the umpteenth time, "then what could it possibly be?"

Spike snickers. "I dunno, but maybe you ought to give the pacing a rest. You've worn a groove into the floor."

"I don't have time for another one of your lectures, Spike," says Twilight testily. "This is serious!"

"My lectures?" replies Spike, nonplussed, but Twilight barely noticies.

"I did everything I could think of to change the future, but it didn't work. So maybe it's not what I do... maybe it's what I don't do." POOF. Twilight teleports over to the far corner of the room. "If I stand right here and don't move a muscle until next Tuesday, I can't possibly do whatever it is that Future Twilight wanted to warn me not to do!" With that, she freezes dead on the spot.

"Really?" Spike walks in a circle around the stationary unicorn, looking impish. "So, no matter what happens, you're not gonna move a muscle, huh? Then, maybe you won't mind if I... eat an entire tub of ice cream!"

He dashes off to the kitchen and returns with a spoon and a half-gallon tub of Strawberry Fudge Ripple.

Twilight doesn't move.

He digs in with the spoon and holds the full scoop out in front of Twilight's nose, taunting her.

She still doesn't move.

He swallows the spoonful of ice cream in one gulp, not even bothering to chew. "Mmm... so good..."

Okay, she can't let this go on. "Spike, stop," she grunts between clenched teeth. "Think of the stomachache."

"Stomachache, huh? That's Future Spike's problem." Another spoonful down the hatch, and now he's dispensed with the utensils and is sticking his snout straight into the tub.

There's a knock at the door, and Rainbow Dash, as is her wont, bursts in without bothering to wait for an answer. "Hey, Twilight, another pegasus just got back from Baltimare with an all-clear and--" She stares in bewilderment, then bursts out laughing when she spots the tableau in front of her. "What's going on? Aren't you gonna stop him?"

"She sure isn't," says Spike, coming up for air. "In fact, she's not gonna move 'til next Tuesday! She thinks it'll prevent the disaster from happening!"

"Oh, this is too rich." Dash snickers, then mock-gasps. "Hey, Twilight! There's a mouse right behind you!"

Twilight starts in alarm, but still doesn't move from the spot. Spike and Rainbow Dash both burst out laughing again. Twilight just gives the pair of them a death glare.

"Wait wait wait, let me try!" Spike grabs a quill from the nearest desk and starts tickling Twilight with it. First under her chin, then her belly, then her nose... finally, Twilight can stand it no longer, and telekinetically flings the dragon against the far wall.

She realizes this was a bad idea when Spike reflexively burps up a fireball right back at her face.

When her vision clears, both the dragon and the pegasus are staring at her in alarm. "Oh no..." moans Rainbow Dash.

"What happened." It's not a question.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, it was a total accident..." Spike babbles nervously.

Twilight is not amused. "Show me."

Dash hesitates. "Uh... I'm not so sure that's a--"

"Show me."

Reluctantly, Spike picks up the mirror and holds it up for Twilight.

"Oh no..." breathes Twilight. While her skin and pelt survived intact, her mane has been singed several inches shorter and is sticking straight up in a ragged mohawk. "This is the same mane cut as future Twilight!"

"Y'know," offers Dash, "it really doesn't look too bad..."

"I don't care how it looks! It's just another sign that the future hasn't changed! Not doing anything didn't work either!" She starts pacing in a circle again. "Oh, I wish there was a way to know what was going to happen so I could stop it..."

"You want to see the future?" Spike rubs his scaly chin thoughtfully. "I might know somepony who can help..."
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